"And what the fcuk is that smell?!??!"

name that movie. extra credit to whoever gets it first. 1/2 extra credit to second place.


So. I'm at the mall returning/exchanging some things I got for my dad on Father's Day. Seeing how I had a lil extra cash in my stash, I look down at my toes and figure I need a pedi.

*I wish I took a 'before' pic. They -no lie- looked like I kicked rocks with no shoes on. what had happened was, I tripped on a shoe and ran my toes into the dresser, therefore breaking nails and chipping polish*

I go to the resident asian spot for manis, pedis, and waxes. been there before and had no problems...

Why did I get the world's oldest man to do my feet?? no lie, I think he invented mahjongg. and y'all know that Asians be up there in age...

he.took.for.ev.er! It was really the world's longest pedicure. and its not like I had anything to do today so i was pressed for time. No, I was leisurely walking the mall and a pedi was an afterthought; not on my to do list!! argh he took so long! My thing is, don't be trying to get Grampa out the house and have him doing nails... let him play checkers in the park!


next observation

ghetto women and their nails.

*sigh*

I don't think Revlon, Maybelline, or any other cosmetic companies make blue or neon green nail polish anymore. Its the ghetto brands like wet n' wild that come out with these colors to this day, and abet women in maintaining their ghetto stance in society.

That sounds like a thesis.

Now I will admit, I was a fan of the ghetto fab nails at one time. when? when I felt the need to exert my south Florida presence at a school in southern virginia. I did the marble, checkerboard, glitter and ice on the nails. But... they were NEVER blue or green. Not even purple. i was 18 years old; at the oldest 19. Those were the years I got my 1st and last tattoos to give you a time frame of where my mind was at at that time... young, dumb, *shoulder shrug*. I had no bills and could spend my money on whatever I wanted. Which brings me to my point.

why are you 24 with 2 kids and you're getting designs on ALL your nails like that's what's up?? I KNOW how much those things cost so yes, I'm looking at you like you're stupid.
"Ummm, can I get planet earth on my pointers, dollar signs on my ring fingers cause the man i'm gonna marry better have money, OWW! silver and gold and purple marble on my middle fingers and an iced out tip on my thumbs?"


next point

nasty feet.

Oh Lord, I had the screw face on when this lady came in talking about her " extra thick cuticles".

Ma'am, cuticles don't wrap around to the top of your nail.

Then she tried to play it off saying, "i've been getting my feet done for as long as I can remember so I don't know where this is coming from! Although, I did try and cut some off the top"

So do you get your feet done or do you torture your own feet at home? The asian chick was like, "yeah, they look... inflamed. But cuticle is only at the base of the nail bed so whatever was at the top of your nail must have excess skin"

Y'all. If you saw what I saw...

are there varicose veins in your feet?
what about crows feet?
i didn't know white people get ashy?
if a nail is not quite opaque clear, isn't that a sign of something more serious??
if there is no nail to file, should you bother telling the person, "oh I don't want them cut"? I think she knew that already!

white women.


needless to say, I won't be going to the nail shop at the mall anymore. too much riff-raff, not enough pros.

the new manicure

i'm calling it. you know the cover girl nail polish that comes out for halloween? its black crackle and what you do is apply it as a top coat to whatever color you already have on. (it usually comes with orange) What happens as it dries is that is shrinks and the base color peeks thru; it actually looks something like a wall with ivy on it. seeing how dark nail polish is coming back for the fall, flip the script and put some crackle on it.

another thing to do with your nails is use black nail polish (or a very dark purple/maroon) and have the manicurist paint a small semi-circle at the base of your nail with white/cream. almost like a reverse french. i forgot what this particular manicure is called but its very dramatic and 17th century boo-szwah-zee (can't spell the real word).

oh yeah, NO-ONE can go wrong with red nail polish. I have my nails in classic high gloss red and my toes in candy-apple red. like the kind that's on chevys... it has a luster and sheen to it that I'm not wearing closed toe shoes for another month. rain or shine. FCUK HURRICANE NOEL!