Turkey Bacon

It's so unfulfilling there really is no point. It's also ugly and doesn't lose that hideous shape. Neither does it get crispy enough. I can get with turkey burgers. Those joints are bangin. If made properly they taste just as good as beef if not better. Turkey sausage is very ehhh. I actually had some delicious vegetarian sausage when I went to south Florida. Turkey bacon? No and absolutely not.

The French Fry Prayer

I gave fries up for Lent. This may mean nothing to you but it was huge to me. I eat too much fast food. I know this, but it doesn't stop me from overdoing it repeatedly. Everywhere I go I eat fries. While reading a book this morning, it wasn't even talking about fries and I was fiending for some. It was ridiculous. My pastor said every time you think about what you gave up for Lent, pray. I'm over here salivating. May it not be a long day. Let me go pray again. I've been up an hour and already this will be time number 3.

That is NOT What Bread Should Look Like!

Tell me this... what is the point of very thinly-sliced bread? My dad brought some home and I'm perplexed. Look at it.

(I like that picture. It looks slightly styled.) That's barely the size of one regular slice! Plus its the smallest loaf ever. It looks even smaller in person. I know I'm food adventurous but come on! That is some crazy looking bread. I was quite worried about how it would toast up seeing as I only like lightly toasted bread. No burnt anything anywhere please if you're serving me toast. How will it toast properly? Do I need to put it on the lowest setting. I didn't and look what happened.
One piece slid its way down and came out all facaca. The skinny slices had to be delicately placed in the toaster. It looked horrid just sitting on the plate until I used the semi-normal (how normal can you be when its a skinny slice?) slice as the base, topped it with a fried egg, and two sausages, the crazy slice as the finale. Only then was I slightly okay with the crazy bread because if nothing else, it makes an interesting-looking sandwich.

Now tell me the point of eggs in the basket. I'd never even heard of it before I looked up fried eggs for this post. That does not look appealing to me. Possibly because I only like my foods to touch when I allow them to do so. Not while cooking. Soups, stews, sauces don't count of course but eggs and toast? Please allow them to cook at their own speeds. I'm just thinking of the eggs sogging up the toast. *shudder*

Yes, I'm aware that this post makes me seem more than a little crazy and I'm okay with that.

E.xpress Loves Me

and I love E.xpress.

So today, my church is having picture day for our directory. Mom said she's wearing pink and green and said we should work around that.

See where I get my
1. brattiness and
2. my love for the p&g combo?

Whatever the case, you know that's no problem for me! I bust out this dress I got in Pitts.


How bout the photog was writing down the colors each of had and she wrote down, "magenta" for me! LOVE HER!


So Mini Me was eyeing my dress and asked if I bought the dress in all colors. Hanging my head low, I said, "no". Defeated. We both know that when something works for you, run with it. You will ALWAYS look good.

Stop the Music

Do you know avacados are $2.49 EACH up here??? EACH!! Are you out of your mind!? That is outrageous! Why even bother to sell them? Also saw jumbo navel oranges for 99 cents each. No. I will not be paying a dollar per orange. Regular navels 4/$2 (why didn't you just say 2/$1?). I'm not sure that's a deal, either. These people are crazy. I love avocado but come on.

Mmmmm... Chipooootleeee

I'm obsessed with chipotles. Smoked jalepeno peppers. Or as I call them smoky fruit of love (c). Sigh. The heat is a bit subtler than jalepenos. The smokiness masks the heat... but only for a moment. I bought some chipotle salsa and may never go back to regular. I mean I had to STOP myself from continuing to shove chipotle salsa-slathered tortilla chips in my mouth when the fire from them was numbing the back of my throat as my eyes began to water to match the faucet my nose became. Then I had to chase it with a glass of water and a glass of cranberry juice.

*I just drank more fluids in 10 minutes than Stace has probably had all day if not the last two days. Lol.*

But it was so worth it! I'd do it again! And I probably will tomorrow. Did you know salsa is fat free? Ya Jam right! And usually cholesterol-free. Plus I count that as a vegetable. If I don't I may never eat any vegetables with any regularity. After I calmed the fire in my mouth, I still needed more. Plus I'd also bought spinach flour tortillas which smelled super fresh and were calling my name. Jameilllllll. Huh? Jaaaaameeeeiiilllll.... Whaaaa? You know you want me... Jam right I want you! Come here chipotle! Time to meet spinach tortilla. I made some ground turkey with cumin, salt, pepper, corn and black beans. Mix it with 3 tablespoons of salsa (told you I wasn't playin), rip the tortilla like the Mexicans do (that's what my Mexican friend said anyway) and go to town. And I still wanted more salsa. Don't stop til ya get enough! Jameeeiiilll

Wait. What?

Did the New York Times really just review First Sunday? Marvin Gaye!! Where are you when I need you? I need to know what's goin on! Ooooh what's goin on (a what's goin on)? And... it wasn't ripping it to shreds. Perplexed am I. Just. so. confused.

And Anotha One

The newest issue of Everyday with Rachael Ray magazine is here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO'S EXCITED?! I AM I AM!!!!!!!! I literally jumped up and down through my snotty nose and stuffed up head. Time to go drool!

Very Uncharateristic

As I revealed on the main blog, I love egg nog! YAY!!

BUT... I don't really like it with liquor.

I KNOW!!

The whole point of egg nog is for it to be thick. When you thin it out with liquor, it loses some of its fight. I did find a recipe for egg nog french toast which looks both easy and delightful! Can't wait to try it out. Mmmm. Egg nog. That will be the eggiest meal ever since the recipe is egg, egg nog, and bread (powdered sugar for sprinkling), and I can't eat breakfast (the best meal of the day all day everyday!!) without a meat... and of course eggs. Lolol. I'm such an egg fiend. Eggs, I love you. SHOUT OUT TO EGGS!

Do the Polka (Dot)!

I just read Joy's post about a black halter dress with red polka dots and that inspired this post.

I can count on ONE hand how many things I own that AREN'T solid (one color). I picked up somewhere that monochromatic is the way to go if you're petite cause one color elongates... whatever the case, I have a cashmere button down sweater that's horizontal stripes, that gray dress I bought for my cousin's wedding a month ago, and a black , knee-length halter with pastel polka dots all over.

Out of allllllllllllll the clothes in my closet, can you guess which piece is my favorite to wear?

If you guess my polka dot dress, you guessed correct!

I don't know what it is about the dress, no matter how my hair is, my face is feeling, what shoes I'm wearing... you can't tell me NOTHIN'!! I call it my freakum dress, my jazzy dress, my EVERYTHING dress! Being knee-length, its PERFECT for my short stature. being halter, it shows off my arms and back. being polka-dot, it adds whimsy to the ordinary LBD. Which brings me to the post.

Polka-dot. Like red lip-stick, every woman should have a type of polka-dot something in her wardrobe. Whether its multi colored, tiny, ginormous, one color, medium, varying sizes... EVERY.WOMAN.SHOULD.OWN.SOMETHING.WITH.POLKA.DOTS.

Polka-dots break up an mono look without being loud.
No matter the color combination, polka-dots never clash.

WAIT.

PLEASE DON'T WEAR MORE THAT ONE SET OF POLKA-DOTS AT THE SAME TIME. WHAT I MEANT BY THE AFOREMENTIONED COMMENT WAS THAT YOUR SHIRT CAN BE BROWN AND THE DOTS CAN BE RED AND IT'LL STILL WORK.

Polka-dots are the pattern to wear if you're not sure what pattern to wear!! Think you're too big for horizontal stripes? Too skinny for vertical? Hate leopard with a passion? Can't do plaid? Do polka-dots!

There is something about polka-dots that adds an air of classic femininity to whatever you're wearing. Kinda like that red lipstick, polka-dots takes us back to the days when women were women. Please don't get mad when I say this, its okay to be a career woman but, there was something about that Donna Reed era when women took care of house and home, kids came home to a body and not the TV, dad brought home the bacon and families were just that.


On another tip, when a guy has on a solid shirt and jacket, and throws on a polka-dot tie, you pay that much more attention to him cause:

1. you're trying to see if he's really wearing polka-dot
2. you can't believe a guy is wearing polka-dot so you're REALLY trying to see what he's about.

Anyhoo, go out and get some dots in your life!