Enough with the Sweaters Already

I LOVE SWEATERS!! But this must be said. I had to pull this out the Mindspace archives from back when it was All Me, All the Time. This reflects my feelings at that time and does not necessarily apply now though still not toooooo far off. Enjoy.

Its that time of year again. For me its the time of holiday cheer and God-awful ugly sweaters. And you know what I mean. Those sweaters that you see and cringe and wonder if their blind grandma gave it to them. The one even God thinks is awful. And he made the person that made it. Come on people.

Oh yeah, did I neglect to mention that Pittsburgh is the bad fashion capital of the world? I think I forgot to mention that. Yes, Pittsburgh has more fashion don'ts per capita than any other city in the world. Its true. At least I'm convinced that its true. There's the Fashion Institute of Pittsburgh and various other places where people can take classes to learn fashion. It ain't workin. Use your resources people.

Big girls. Now you know I got love for my big girls b/c my mom's a big girl. But I will never stop saying this. When you wear clothes that do not fit, it makes you look bigger. Stop doing it. No one looks good in ill-fitting clothes. Just because you're not a size six doesn't mean you can't be presentable. Please understand that wearing a muu muu or a colored oversized sack cloth makes you look BIGGER. But I digress.

Back to the topic at hand. The sweaters. I was in Panera Bread for no more than 12 minutes today and I saw them EVERYWHERE! I turned in one of those horror movie circles where you can't believe your eyes and whatever you're scared of is suddenly all around you. Or you're in a field and you can't see anyone. You don't know what to do. You scream. AAAAHHH!!

You know the sweaters that I'm talkin about. Those sweaters with no less than 4 colors. Usually in a horizontal pattern. And or with balls and 3-D swirls. I don't want your sweater to reach out and touch me. Or stab me in the eye. That is NOT cool. It hurts. Like a lot. I don't like things in my eye. The monstrosities that they call "fashion sweaters" at those horrid stores where you buy them. The stores that should be called "Hi, I'm a mom and I just don't care anymore."

There are actual current options to purchase. that. are. HIDEOUS!! NONSENSE! Don't believe me? Go here. SWEATER VOMIT!! It takes you just as long to look like trash as it does to look presentable. I know because everytime I try not to care, it takes me longer to think... "Is this too ugly for work?" "Does it show too obviously that today I just don't care?" "Am I ruining my rep as 'one of the best dressed people in the building?'" I didn't say that, by the way. It was said to me. So there.

Plus you want to be seen as management material don't you? Maybe not. I keep forgetting that everyone doesn't want to be at the top. Which makes sense. Because then who would do the work? But anyway. For real, you're driving me crazy looking like you just rolled out of bed five minutes ago and didn't even brush your teeth. Please stop.